Got An Angry Kid ?

We spend most of our time trying to control anger in children by giving them what they are giving us: Anger for anger. Does it work? If your intention is to teach a child that anger is bad, you will never teach him or her with anger. Getting the child to respect you and direct his anger elsewhere depends on how angry the child is. You may teach the occasionally angry child that he is best advised to direct angry any place but at you.

If you have a child who is angry all the time and as a result makes you angry all the time, then he is likely to spread his feelings all over the landscape: upwards, downwards and sideways. Now you’ve got problems because he doesn’t care who gets his anger. It is this child who needs a different parental anger strategy. No anger display from you. Period. So now we have two angry people. Great. For the most part, adult anger, when directed to an annoying child, is an adult tantrum, no matter how justified the adult thinks it is. Adult tantrums do not produce the change adults want: respect. Respect is vital in child control. Self-control is how you get it.

Ever observe a dysfunctional family? Did you notice all the anger? Did you notice, too, that kids take anger out on other kids in the family? Older kids beat up younger kids cause they are easy prey. Younger sibs are weak and vulnerable. Some parents assume that older kids will always be lions; that somehow it is all a part of a normal childhood to fight with younger siblings. It is learned.. You, the parent, are the key. But you can’t turn the key with anger.

The cure to an angry family lies first in a parent examining the dynamics of anger in their house. Question Number (1): is the anger displayed in your house normal or abnormal? You may need to compare your self with other families. How to either of them talk with their kids?

Question Number (two) What is the purpose of your anger?

Since all anger has to go somewhere, the alternative is to have none. That’s right. You have a choice in the matter. Skip the anger entirely.

Many assume anger is this biological thing that simply happens. If someone gets upset with you, what do you do about it?

If you have a depression problem, you keep anger to yourself and you corrode from the inside out. If you don’t’ have a depression problem, you find someone to give anger to. Anger is the gift that keeps on giving. Channeling your feelings into the weeds around a tomato plant is a lot easier than trying to channel your angry kids feelings.

What are you likely to learn by this exercise: that not only does your anger go away, so does your kids. Turns out if you set the model he will follow. Do you have the courage to drop anger for eight (8) weeks to find out? Eight weeks of the No Anger Display Diet will show you enough change in your child to convince yourself that this diet should be a way of life.

summary from “How to Parent An Angry Child” by: Andrew Gibson, Ph.D.